Sitting at the big table in the kitchen/dining room, listening to the rain, cuddled in a warm blanket and comfy sweat pants I stole from Dustin. Just reading some random manga…de-stressing after a weird week and wishing I had made some more sushi for dinner…
I took a little break from reading to check my e-mail. I don’t often pay attention to the articles that show up on Yahoo’s homepage, but every now and then I just take a few minutes to see if there is anything interesting. Tonight I found this article about photography and Flickr. It was beautiful. It was something that moved me.
it reminded me that photography is more that just taking pictures of certain subjects. That it’s something special….it’s something deeper and more, and different for each person. And even in one person, photography can change many times throughout life.
I was thinking of getting back into photography. I was getting really excited, and I might have had a chance to get a new set up with better lenses, but that will have to wait for a little bit longer. But what I have now is good. It’s even great. It’s better than a lot of people have…than a lot of people who produce amazing pictures have. And I have done some wonderful things with it. If not for other people, at least for myself.
A lot of people around me knew I loved photography and would even keep up with my Bench Monday project that I started working on after finding a Bench Monday group on Flickr. Some Mondays the pictures would be crap. Like….beyond crap. But there would be some Mondays when I’d be super inspired, or have a really awesome idea, or the picture would just turn out really awesome. But it’s been a long while since I’ve done a Bench Monday. Life changes, priorities change, photography changes. Also I lost my favorite bench (That was a special birthday present from my family because they knew I enjoyed doing Bench Monday) while working one day.
Some days I find myself thinking randomly of an idea that could turn out to be a pretty cool Bench Monday picture, but I don’t get past thinking about it. And that kind of makes me sad.
I don’t know if I ever will start back. I did enjoy it a lot, but at the time I had decided to stop doing Bench Mondays I was getting tired of it all. I was feeling uninspired and it was even stressing me out trying to make sure I got my picture and edited and uploaded it before the end of Monday.
I still love photography. And I really do enjoy taking pictures and going back through them later and editing them. I get so excited when they turn out really good and I enjoy my style of editing.
I’ve done photography jobs, such as weddings, senior pictures, photoshoots, and other events. And they were nice in their own way, but when I think about it, being hired to do something with photography, I just can’t seem to put my heart into it so much as when I am taking pictures just because I really want to take pictures, because I really want to capture certain people or certain events.
There are people that want to push me into becoming a professional photographer. But I wouldn’t even know where to start, and even just thinking about it stresses me out more than it should. I don’t want to do photography because it’s what other people want me to do. I want to do it because it’s what I want to do. It’s not something I want to have a job doing. It’s something that I would rather consider a passionate hobby.
I’m 24 1/2 and I still don’t really have any clue what I want to do for the rest of my life. Not that I have to do the same thing, but I know I need to do something that makes some sort of income. I’m hoping to head down one road and it will be something that I will enjoy enough that I will be able to continue with it. I think it could be a really wonderful thing. But I am scared that it might end up being another thing that “just doesn’t work for me”. I am envious of those people who know without a doubt what occupation they want to go into. I have done many jobs that I really enjoyed, but did not love and would not want to be doing long term. But I’m hopeful that someday I will find something that I will love and enjoy thoroughly. Although I really should be extremely thankful that I have such a life of luxury that I am able to find a job like that and that I don’t have to work at some place I despise just for the paycheck. I am extremely spoiled. I am thankful for the family and friends that support me no matter what happens.